When the Noise Got Too Loud

 I got overwhelmed, so I went outside.

I didn't put on shoes. I didn't think about it. I just needed to get out of the house before I burst into tears for no clear reason. The rain was coming down, and I let it. Sometimes it's easier when the weather matches how you feel.

As I was walking down the street, my neighbour, who was always standing in her doorway having a cigarette, looked over at me. She clocked the bare feet straight away and asked if I was alright. Not nosy, just quiet "You alright, duck?", the way mums ask when they already know the answer.

I told her I was fine. We both knew that meant 'fine enough'. She nodded, and that was that.

The pavement was cold and unforgiving, but it slowed me down. Made me pay attention. For a few minutes, I wasn't thinking about shopping. the messages I hadn't replied to, or the feeling that everything needs doing all at once. I was just walking. Breathing. Putting one foot in front of the other.

I got to the bottom of the street and turned back. No big moment. No solution. Just a bit of space in my head and a reminder that this feeling doesn't last forever. 

Sometimes you don't need fixing. 

You just need a few minutes to yourself, even if it's in the rain, barefoot, on an ordinary street..

This was written too late to be pretty