Being Misunderstood during Growth

I used to think I'd lost myself.

Turns out, I'd just buried myself under everything else. 

When I was drinking constantly, everything was loud and messy. My thoughts never really settled. I don't notice how little space I gave myself to actually think, or decide, or feel things properly. I just reacted (not in the best state of mind). All the time. 

I've always felt things deeply. Other people's moods, tension in a room, things left unsaid...I absorb it all. Being an empath means I don't just feel my own emotions; I carry everyone else's too, which may be why I am such an introvert. When I was drinking, it was my way of turning the volume down,  which didn't work out! 

Sobriety didn't change who I am. It's stripped things back. And what surprised me most was what was left.

I can think clearly now. I can sit with feelings instead of drowning them out...even the heavy ones. I can pause, process, and choose how to respond. That still shocks me sometimes, realising I was capable of this all along.

TBH, what looks like change from the outside is really just absence. 💙  Less hiding.

I'm not performing or proving anything to anyone.

I'm just sober.

And this is who I've been all along, but the better version.