Learning whilst Married

 I've known my husband for 19years. We'll soon be married for 16 years. That number holds a lot of history, shared memories, and seasons that weren't always easy to get through. We've been through more than I ever imagined when we first met. Hard times that tested us, moments where life felt heavy, and periods where we were just trying to survive rather than thrive together. Somehow, we still managed. Not perfectly, not gracefully, but together.

For a long time, I thought being a good wife meant staying steady no matter how I felt. Keeping the peace. Carrying on even when I felt worn down or lost! I didn't realise how much of myself I was slowly packing away just to cope. 

Learning who I am while staying married hasn't been simple. Especially through sobriety. Sitting with my feelings instead of numbing them brought things to the surface I hadn't allowed myself to see before. It made me question who I was and who I had become.

There were moments where growth felt uncomfortable, even frightening. Setting boundaries felt unnatural at first. Choosing myself came with guilt. But I've learned that love built on silence and sacrifice eventually turns to resentment.

We didn't last this long avoiding hard conversations. We lasted because we stayed when it was easier not to. Because we adapted! Because we kept choosing each other through change, even when it felt unfamiliar.

I'm still figuring out how to be a wife while becoming my own person. Some days I get it right. Other days I don't. Healing doesn't happen in a straight line, and neither does marriage.

But loving myself hasn't taken anything away from how I will continue to choose my husband. If anything, it's helped me show up more honestly. Staying married while learning who I am means allowing space for growth...mine and his...and trusting that real love doesn't require 'me' to disappear.