Unmasking

 Let's be honest, 

A lot of people wrote me off years ago.

I was the one who married very young.

Pregnant.

Drinking too much.

Made ridiculously bad decisions.

Some people never said it outright, but it showed. In the looks. In the lowered expectations. In the way, my life became something people whispered about instead of asking about. 

I won't pretend I did not struggle. I was expected to grow up overnight, to be grateful, responsible, and composed, while barely holding myself together. I was drinking to cope, not to enjoy myself. Alcohol was how I quietened my head when everything felt too loud and too heavy. It wasn't pretty, and it wasn't harmless, but at the time, it felt like the only thing keeping me upright until it became an addiction.

Getting married while pregnant was meant to be the right thing. The responsible thing. The thing that made everything look more acceptable from the outside. But inside, I was still young, overwhelmed, and trying to grow up all at once, in front of people who had already decided how my story would end.

What still gets me is how comfortable people were with that judgment. How little room they left for growth. How easily they confuse struggle with stupidity, and pain with weakness.

That's when assumptions really settled in. That I'd messed up my life. That this was 'it' for me. That I'd always be the girl who made bad choices and paid for them forever.

But here's what they didn't see. I was paying attention. I was learning. I was angry at myself, yes, but also angry at everyone else, apart from my child. 

Change didn't arrive loudly. It came quietly. As it's been said 'Slowly but surely" 😊 Through small disgraceful decisions. Sitting with my feelings instead of drowning them. 

And now....Here I am.

Sitting, writing a blog with a clear mindset. I still don't have everything figured out. But I'm sober. I'm present. I'm becoming someone I respect. I'm discovering a whole new version of myself that isn't defined by pregnancy, marriage, addiction, or other people's opinions.

If you looked down on me, I understand why you did. I forgive you. 

But just know, I did NOT disappear.

I grew

and I'm still growing.